Thanks to Dave Letterman's "Late Show," CBS, April 30:
10) "Covers all the news that happens within one block of the office."
9) "Today's exclusive: 'Nixon Dead!'"
8) "Reporter sent to jail for refusing to divulge a source...Oh, and he
also killed a dude."
7) "All horoscopes: 'Now would be a good time to get out of the
newspaper business.' "
6) "Paper's motto: 'Suck It'"
5) "Every 'hot gossip' item is about Jack Klugman."
4) "Managing editor and guy who wheels around breakfast? Same guy."
3) "Under 'weather,' it just reads 'yes.'"
2) "Instead of 'Garfield,' has a comic strip called 'Garfunkel.'"
... and the No. 1 sign that your newspaper is in trouble is: ...
1) "You endorsed Dennis Kucinich."
10) "Covers all the news that happens within one block of the office."9) "Today's exclusive: 'Nixon Dead!'"
8) "Reporter sent to jail for refusing to divulge a source...Oh, and he
also killed a dude."
7) "All horoscopes: 'Now would be a good time to get out of the
newspaper business.' "
6) "Paper's motto: 'Suck It'"
5) "Every 'hot gossip' item is about Jack Klugman."
4) "Managing editor and guy who wheels around breakfast? Same guy."
3) "Under 'weather,' it just reads 'yes.'"
2) "Instead of 'Garfield,' has a comic strip called 'Garfunkel.'"
... and the No. 1 sign that your newspaper is in trouble is: ...
1) "You endorsed Dennis Kucinich."
